Memorial Day is here again. For many, this is not a happy day. In fact, Memorial Day is a solemn day for too many families.
Despite the spirit of the day being conveyed in the name of the holiday, people still get it so incredibly wrong. We do not celebrate Memorial Day; we observe it. It is inappropriate to say “Happy Memorial Day,” and frankly, it makes the person speaking look stupid.
Although this should be obvious, Memorial Day services are usually held in cemeteries because we honor those who are dead. Yet despite some of the many clues out there in the world, some retailers will put out advertisements with “Happy Memorial Day” on them.
Let me illustrate my strongly held view on this topic by telling you about US Marine Corps Sergeant Major Robert Cottle. We served together in 4th Force Reconnaissance when he was a Gunnery Sergeant. Although Sgt Major Cottle and I were not close, he was an amazing Marine who was killed in the Helmand Province of Afghanistan in March of 2010. In civilian life, he spent 20 years as a Los Angeles Police Officer, with 14 years as a SWAT Team member. He and US Marine Lance Cpl. Rick. J. Centanni of Yorba Linda were killed by a roadside bomb while on patrol.
Cottle left behind his wife and an eight-month-old daughter. Don’t even think about saying “Happy Memorial Day” to that family. They lost so much that day in 2010.
So why is Memorial Day something we should all stop to acknowledge? The service member is no longer with us, but their families are. Spouses without a partner, children without a parent, and parents without a child. It is more than just missing someone, it is about missing proms, holidays, baptisms, hugs, knowledge, and community over the lifetimes of others. We all lose when a productive and heroic part of our country is lost.
Veterans should pause to recognize Memorial Day to be thankful. None of us is here because we were really all that awesome. Some part of being killed in an armed conflict is just bad luck. The IED hit the third vehicle in the convoy instead of the fourth, or the enemy was simply incompetent. Those of us who have returned did so because we were simply not in the wrong place at the wrong time. We get those special moments with families and friends that others do not. Stop and appreciate that.
One other important reason we should stop is often left out of the analysis. Armed conflicts are expensive. Many times economists will simply look at the budget outlays by our federal government. It is way more than that. We lose part of our core. When elected officials decide to send our troops into harm’s way, the reminder of our losses on Memorial Day should provide some balance to the other considerations. With fewer elected officials having served in the military, having a reminder of these costs is sometimes an important counter.
Memorial Day is about honoring the sacrifices made by millions of men and women who have paid the ultimate sacrifice during their service in the armed forces of our country. In our history we have lost about 1.2 million service members. Memorial Day is not Veterans Day; it is about the subset of those Veterans who did not come back.
If you want to do something to appreciate those who were lost, do something nice for a family member of the fallen.
Sergeant Major Cottle is appropriately buried in Arlington National Cemetery, where his sacrifice should always be remembered, especially on Memorial Day.
Matt Rexroad is a columnist for the Southern California News Group. Follow him on X @MattRexroad
